The on-going drama of the Up Goer God Book goes on today, with part 3. I don't think that it requires any further introduction except to say once more that I didn't write it, either the original or this unique translation. Blame Dan.
1 Now the no-legged animal was more cool minded than any angry animal of the field which the god God had made. And he said to the woman, Yes, hath God said, You will not eat of every tree of the tree place?
2 And the woman said to the no-legged animal, We may eat of the food of the trees of the tree place:
3 But of the food of the tree which is in the middle of the tree place, God hath said, You will not eat of it, and you will not touch it, or else you will die.
4 And the no-legged animal said to the woman, You will not die for sure:
5 For God doth know that in the day you eat there of, then your eyes will be opened, and you will be as gods, knowing good and bad.
6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pretty to the eyes, and a tree to be wanted to make one big-brained, she took of the food there of, and did eat, and gave also to her man with her; and he did eat.
7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were not wearing clothes; and they joined the leaves of the food tree that has white water in its leaves together, and made themselves front clothes.
8 And they heard the voice of the god God walking in the tree place in the cool of the day: and the man and his wife hid themselves from the body space of the god God between the trees of the tree place.
9 And the god God called to the man, and said to him, Where art you?
10 And he said, I heard your voice in the tree place, and I was afraid, because I was not wearing clothes; and I hid myself.
11 And He said, Who told you that you wast not wearing clothes? Hast you eaten of the tree, where of I told you that you should not eat?
12 And the man said, The woman who you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
13 And the god God said to the woman, What is this that you hast done? And the woman said, The no-legged animal made my brain wrong, and I did eat.
14 And the god God said to the no-legged animal, Because you hast done this, you art damned above all foot animals, and above every angry animal of the field; upon your body will you go, and ground will you eat all the days of your life:
15 And I will put anger between you and the woman, and between your children and her children; it will hurt your head, and you will hurt his foot.
16 To the woman He said, I will make you more sad and your getting full of babies; in pain you will bring forward children; and your wants will be to your man, and he will be in control of you.
17 And to the man He said, Because you hast listened to the voice of your wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I told you, saying, You will not eat of it: damned is the ground which is your fault; in pain will you eat of it all the days of your life;
18 Sticks with points also and leaves that bring pain will it bring forward to you; and you will eat the tree things you can eat of the field;
19 In the skin water of your face will you eat rocks made of the spots from small field trees, until you return to the ground; for out of it wast you taken: for ground you art, and to ground will you return.
20 And the man called his wife's name something like "Even"; because she was the mother of all living.
21 To the man also and to his wife did the god God make clothes of skins, and put clothes on them.
22 And the god God said, check it out, the man is become as one of us, to know good and bad: and now, in case he put forward his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:
23 For this reason the god God sent him out from the tree place, to fix the ground from where he was taken.
24 So He drove out the man; and He placed at the right of the tree place flying babies, and a burning fighting stick which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.
That silly snake is always getting himself in trouble, isn't he? Now he's got flying babies and burning fight sticks to worry about, so I wonder if all that tempting was worth it? The old-testament vengeful god sounds like even more of a jerk when you only give him a few words to work with, huh?
In response to last week's comment, I feel it's worth mentioning that I already have a cactus. His name is Albert, and he is the only non-weed that has ever flourished in our garden. There are no green-thumbs amongst the inhabitants of Parliament House, but Albert doesn't seem to mind. They're very non-judgemental plants, cacti.