To Break All Bodies

With Blaugust starting tomorrow, it seems appropriate to fall back on an old Leaflocker standard (read: I like it but it’s reader poison) and present the next part of the Up Goer God Book, the ongoing project of my good friend PsephologyKid to translate the King James Bible into the ten hundred most common words in the English language; for the lols. Since the original release of the first five chapters of the Book last year, Randall Munroe has made a considerably nicer word list that he used for his book Thing Explainer available, so I’ve done a little sprucing up to make chapter 6 TE-compatible.

As always, making the devotional cards for this has been a blast. I let the random number generator pick a verse for me to attempt to illustrate, and also just picked a couple manually because the random number generator just can’t be trusted to pick the best ones and I’m not under the Blaugust content pump just yet.

1 And it came to pass, when men began to have children on the face of the world, and daughters were formed by them,

2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were hot; and they took them wives of all which they wanted.

 3 And the god said, My mind will not always work with man, for that he also has body: yet his days will be an hundred and twenty years.

 4 There were big people in the world in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they formed children with them, the same became strong men which were of old, men well known.

 5 And God saw that the bad wants of man was great in the world, and that every idea of the thoughts of his heart was always bad.

 6 And it made the god sorry that he had made man on the world, and it made him sad at his heart.

 7 And the god said, I will kill man who I have made from the face of the world; both man, and animals, and the quietly moving thing, and the flying animals of the air; for it makes me sorry that I have made them.

 8 But "No are" was found good in the eyes of the god.

 9 These are the children of him: he was a just man and perfect in his children, and he walked with God.

 10 And he formed three sons, "Share Him", "Him", and "Jump Hairs".

 11 The world also was not good before God, and the world was filled with hurting each other.

 12 And God looked upon the world, and, check it out, it was not good; for all the bodies had broken his way upon the world.

 13 And God said to "No are", the end of all bodies is come before me; for the world is filled with hurting each other through them; and, check it out, I will kill them with the world.

 14 Make a water car of wood named like a ground breaking animal; rooms will you make in the water car, and will paint it within and without with black old dead tree water.

 15 And this is how big you will make it: The long side of the water car will be three hundred fingers to arm joins, the wide side of it five ten fingers to arm joins, and the tall side of it three ten fingers to arm joins.

 16 A window will you make to the water car, and in a fingers to arm joins will you finish it above; and the door of the water car will you set in the side there of; with lower, second, and third stories will you make it.

 17 And, check it out, I, even I, do bring a lot of waters upon the world, to break all bodies, where in is the breath of life, from under the place I like; and every thing that is in the world will die.

 18 But with you will I make my promise; and you will come into the water car, you, and your sons, and your wife, and your sons' wives with you.

 19 And of every living thing with bodies, two of every sort will you bring into the water car, to keep them living with you; they will be boy and girl.

 20 Of flying animals after their kind, and of food animals after their kind, of every quietly moving thing of the land after his kind, two of every sort will come to you, to keep them living.

 21 And take you to yourself of all food that is eaten, and you will bring it to yourself; and it will be for food for you, and for them.

 22 In this way did the water car man; following all that God told him to do, so did he.

See, you can turn almost anything into moderately acceptable blog content, it seems, it's easy! I’d love for you to join me over the next month joyful communal blogging. Pick a pace that you think might work and get typing. It’ll be fun, I promise. Catch you tomorrow for the beginning of Blaugust. Same bat time, same bat channel.